Just Me And You Kid - An Update

It's been a minute since I posted.  A lot of minutes.  Over 2 years worth.  I'm going to try to get this blog up and going again so I thought I would start with an update post.  

Two years ago, not long after my last post, we discovered that my step daughter would need braces.  Not being able to afford both braces and bariatric weight loss surgery in the same year, we I decided to put off weight loss surgery for the benefit of Chickie's teeth.  I immediately gained back the 35 pounds I had lost, and then some.

Later that year, my  husband received full custody of Chickie.  As a result, I left my job to take one closer to home, and with hours more conducive to taking care of a young girl.  With the job change also came a change in insurance.  Our old insurance covered surgery, our new insurance did not.  So, I chalked it up as not meant to be and kept on trucking.  And gained some more weight.

Earlier this year we received notification that my husband's (let's call him..."Coach") employer would be changing insurance provider.  This brought me new hope that maybe now they would be covering bariatric weight loss surgery.  I did the research on this new carrier...and they offered it.  I read everything they sent out.  Looks like Coach's employer would be offering it.  I called the carrier once we got our new cards.  They COVERED IT!!!!!  I went to an information session with a new surgeon (I still liked the old one, but was no longer in the vicinity of his practice every day, thus the change).  I waited patiently for the day my coverage began, reading everything I could find - what was their approval process,  how much was I going to have to pay out of pocket, which surgery would I prefer, and so much more.  Before my coverage even began, I knew that the carrier, in other states, had a pretty loose approval process - possibly less than 30 days.  I knew that I was going to be looking at $300 ($300!!!!) out of pocket for surgery.  Much less than the $3,000 I was looking at before.  I knew that I was more comfy with vertical sleeve over lap band.  I had a plan.  And I was gonna work that plan.

Thennnnn....the phone call.  I had to call and ask one more question.  And guess what.  They had just updated their system to show that Coach's employer excluded bariatric weight loss surgery.  

Disappointed didn't even begin to cover it.  This was over a week ago.  I went on vertical sleeve talk.com.  I researched some self pay options.  I even convinced myself for a while that Mexico was an option.  MEXICO!!!  Disclaimer:  If you are reading this and chose Mexico for WLS, I am not being critical of your decision.  I believe that it is a very valid option for many.  Just not me.  

However, I was considering it.  That lasted about 2 days.  

In the past year, I've had a huge reason to be very scared for my  health.  My father, on February 2nd, had a Total Artificial Heart with Freedom Driver implanted, and is currently on the heart transplant list. The condition of his heart can be directly related to weight.  And sadly, I have many of the same issues.  Overweight.  Meat and potatoes kinda girl (guy).  Sleep Apnea.  The list goes on and on.  And I am my father's daughter.  I promised my stepmom on February 2nd that I would take better care of myself.  And I plan on living up to that promise.  

This is where it begins.  

Next Up:  Goals

Followers!!!!!

OH. MY. WORD. I have followers. Two people have decided to tune in to what I have to say. NOW I’m scared. Heather even commented!!! My first blog comment!!! Thank you Heather! If I had something to give away, I’d send you a prize for being the first. But, alas – I’m broke. Hmm….How about a pen?

It’s a great pen….only slightly used ;-)

Heather’s comment pointed out that I’m greatly upbeat (is that the phrase you used?) about this process. I tend to try to be upbeat about everything. I guess that’s something I get from my mother. My mom died in 1998 from a brain tumor, and those final 6 weeks were filled with more laughs at the hands of mom’s jokes than I could list in a million years. Even facing the greatest trial of her life, she faced it with grace, humility, and hilarity.

Obviously, I don’t always succeed, and I’m sure there’s times to come where I am down right despondent about this process. I *want* to succeed, however, I am weak. I say this as I sip my Dr. Pepper. Only my first of the day – but the sweet tea at here at work SUCKS. I couldn’t even bring myself to get a Diet Dr. Pepper – I needed full on calories, sweetness, and deliciousness.

But – just to prove that I am human. I’m terrified. I’m terrified of the process. I’m terrified that I am going to go through the next 6 months only to get denied by my insurance. I’m terrified of going under anesthesia – I woke up once in the middle of oral surgery – to the surgeon having a nose bleed! What if I don’t like my new skinny self? Oh, that’s right – I’m doing this to be healthy. But still?? What if. What if. What if. And thus the reason I try to stay upbeat – so I can knock all the what ifs outta my head, even if it is only temporary.

I had eyeballed the week between Christmas and New Years for surgery – ummm…dummy Amy. That means Christmas meals on a liquid diet. Not the brightest idea I’ve ever had. But there’s always next year, right?

So, a little more about me J I am married – to a wonderful man, Casey. I’m sure you’ll hear me fuss about him in the future. He has the great pleasure of being 150 pounds. Soaking wet. With his heaviest sweater on. I knew I was in trouble when after a month of marriage he came skipping…yes…SKIPPING out of the bathroom ecstatic because he had gained 5 pounds. Squeeze me??? You are happy? “Well Amy, some people have a hard time gaining weight just like you have a hard time losing weight.” Ergh. Men. But I lub him very very much.

Casey has a 7 year old daughter who is the cat’s pajamas. She rocks. What else can I say?

Thanks for tuning in. I am going to try to be more diligent in posting.

I HAVE A.D.D!!!! And an update

Yeah...so. I have A.D.D. If that wasn't obvious - it's been a month since I started this blog, and this is only my 2nd entry. I'm trying people. I went yesterday to a head doctor who took all of 20 minutes to determine what me, my entire family and my friends have known all my life - I have A.D.D. So - I left with a prescription to help me focus - YAY!!! (More on this to come :))

Update update update. Well - since I last checked in - I've started my monthly appointments for weight management with my PCP. In the first month, I lost 9.something pounds. That's almost double digits. Woot woot! The biggest change I made was almost cutting out soda's. Dr. Pepper and I are like one. I was never without one. And if I happen to run out - the world STOPPED so I could run to the store and get one. Last month, I cut it down to one a day - in the morning because I so don't drink coffee. Well, now my new goal is to cut it out completely. I've had one since last Friday. And no withdrawals as of yet! Of course, it does help that I've replaced the Dr. Pepper with sweet tea - which gives me my caffiene fix. Maybe one day I'll progress to unsweetened tea. Nahhhh...I'm from the south - and we southern girls LOOOVE our sweet tea :)

In order for my insurance to pay for my surgery, I have to have a co-morbidity. We found one!! I went last month for a sleep study, and after the best night sleep in weeks, it was determined I have sleep apnea. How does one do that - go get hooked up to all these electrodes, wires, patches, etc - and sleep more soundly than she has in weeks? Well, imagine my excitement when they called back and asked me to come in for a 2nd study. Heck yeah!!! Can I come tonight??? Can I stay the weekend??? How bout I just move in?? I cook and occassionally clean. Yeah, I was only booked for a one night stay :(. But, hopefully, this will take care of me feeling sooo tired throughout the day.

I told my husband that I thought maybe I really had ADHD, but that I was just too damn tired to be hyper. He didn't see the humor in that. At all. LOL

Hopefully by fall, I'll know my fate when it comes to insurance and their big ole' "APPROVED" or "DENIED" stamp on my paperwork.

Hmmm...anything else?? Well, I go for my psych eval next week. This has brought moments of hilarity to my family as they are taking bets as to whether I will be headed straight for the padded rooms, or if I'll get a phone call first. I fail to see what they are talking about ;o)

The Beginning of the End

Every ending has a beginning. Right? Well, I know what I want the ending to be. So, I’ll start at the beginning.

I’ve been “heavy”, “overweight”, “chunky”, “thick”, “solid” or “fat” as far back as I can remember. One of the earliest memories I have of thinking I was too big was when my mom and I were leaving McDonalds, and I was eating an ice cream cone. I don’t know why, but I threw it away and looked at my mom and told her I was too fat to eat ice cream, and I shouldn’t have asked for it. I promptly went home, put on my leotard, tights, leg warmers, and started jogging in circles around the house, to exercise. I was 8.

As I went through the years, into middle school and high school, I don’t really remember being overweight. But, my peers sure thought I was. My freshman year of high school, I could squeeze into a size 7 pair of jeans. By my senior year I was a size 16. Looking at pictures from that time in my life, I don’t see myself as fat, but I wasn’t the same size as the other girls in my school. Of course, I always compared myself to the cheerleaders, dancers, etc.

At this point I still wasn’t anxious about my weight. I was happy, I had friends, and I had a life. I tried off and on to lose weight, going to weight watchers with friends and family, to appease and or support them in their efforts. I still wasn’t the skinny minny I was dying to be inside, but accepted genetics and went about life. The genetic make up of my family is a blessing and a curse. When people questioned my size, I could shrug my shoulders and say that I’m built like my parents. That was a blessing – it wasn’t JUST my fault. Of course, they look at my sisters and I can’t think of a single friend that didn’t ask me if I was adopted. That’s my curse. Beautiful, healthy, THIN sisters – younger and older.

I continued on the path of eating what I wanted, excercising when I could fit it into my heavy social rotation (read: next to never), and not really paying attention. My mom was diagnosed with cancer in 1988 and by 1998 she was terminal. In the last 6 weeks prior to her death, I probably consumed 6 months worth of food. I was at home, on leave from work, bored, stressed, and depressed. It’s amazing, when someone dies people bring you food. Comfort food. Gooooooooooooood food. And I ate my weight sampling this and that. Six months later, I had pictures of me taken, that REALLY opened my eyes.

Those pictures are what started the next 12 years of weight battles. I lost 90 pounds. Once. They all thought I was going to Weight Watchers. No, I wasn’t eating. I was in a horrible relationship, I was working 100+ hours a week, and I worked in a restaurant. I didn’t want to eat. And did I look cute. My family and friends discuss it behind my back. They’re concerned. They think I’m not. People, trust and believe. It terrifies me. But I don’t know what to do. I’m not particularly fond of experiments in frustration – and to me, that is what weight loss is.

I am terrified for my health. I lost my mother to cancer. My father was diagnosed with congestive heart failure a few years back, and has since gone into cardiac arrest once, has had a pacemaker and defibrillator placed, my paternal grandparents both died of heart related causes, and I have 2 sisters and an aunt all of whom have had their own battles with cancer in some shape or form. The night after my father went into cardiac arrest, my step mom made me promise to never put my husband and step daughter through what we went through that night. I know with obesity comes the increased risk of heart attack, stroke, cancer among a myriad of other risks. I feel like I’m a ticking time bomb due to my weight in combination with my family history and the horomone replacement therapy I take that also has cancer, heart attack and stroke as its risks.

I’m beginning this blog to chronicle my struggle with weight loss. I have set my sights on weight loss surgery. I’ve been to the information session my doctor offers. I’m excited, scared, nervous and ready to get this rollin’. My first appointment with the bariatric surgeon is next week. I know I have a long road ahead of me, first with 6 months steady weight loss attempts.

I hope you stick around – I promise it will be a fun journey :)

~Amy